If anyone has ever taken a bath in pure warm butter, with the lights turned down low, whilst drinking Baileys topped with Chantilly cream, listening to Miles Davis's classic album 'Kind of Blue' and getting a back rub from a professional masseuse who has soaked her hands in coconut milk for five days (I make a habit of doing this every couple of weeks, whether I need it or not), then you will have an inkling as to just how smooth Manorbier's football was last week against Pembroke Borough (writes D.B.).

The opposition turned up looking like the unloved love children of regulars at the Mos Eisley Cantina bar (another one for you to Google), and frankly didn't ever face much chance against the genetically gifted Norman/Norsemen descendents who rampage around Manorbier's home turf on Saturday afternoons.

In goal, James Llewellyn was undergoing a social experiment being run by Channel 4 to see if it is physically possible to kick a football straight following a night without sleep and 8 pro plus tablets washed down with isotonic soda. He failed the experiment, but was nonetheless his typical ebullient and dominant self.

At the back, the Mcweeney wall looked massive and very hard, El Cigarillo Askew looked more casual than an opiate Oscar Wilde in a velour smoking jacket, Grover was monstering the opposition forwards and James Williams had stardust in his toes.

Through midfield, Ben Hall was fizzing like Kruger at a Kanye West party, Blackwell and O'Neill toyed with the opposition as if they had just got them free in a packet of Cornflakes and Brandon Monaghan, he of one of the greatest footballing dynasties that makes the Lampards and Redknapps look like raggedy street bums, was simply imperious at the tender age of 16.

Up front, Spic and Lane were combining like two parts Hydrogen and one part Oxygen. Fluid, life giving and cleansing. I won't spoil the flow of this narrative with details like Borough scoring within 60 seconds of kick-off following a catalogue of Manorbier errors thicker than something you might get sent by Argos just before Christmas. Because, if truth be told, it was but a piece of background scenery in the theatre that the home side crafted over the course of 90 minutes - during which, Lane bagged another hat-trick, Mike O'Neill and Ben Hall each scored goals at the end of beautiful flowing moves, and young Brandon Monaghan showed why he has been fast-tracked into the firsts since his 16th birthday, with a brace which belied the fact that he is still so young that he has to get back from games before tea time.

On days such as these, winning 7-1 with ease, Manorbier can look invincible. And whilst it would be foolhardy to make such proclamations of greatness before the visit of league leaders Johnston next week, from time to time it is just a joy to sit back and watch the chocolately loveliness of Manorbier's football ooze around oneself - even if it did involve taking candy from babies.