Manorbier AFC have long realised that they are in the entertainment industry, and play each game as though they are constructing a Hollywood screenplay for their loyal fans.

Once again, there was drama, humour, despair and a small dose of romance, before Manorbier emerged victorious from their home game against Lawrenny.

Now, Lawrenny is known as a place of genteel calm, civilised crab sandwiches and rickety fishing boats ambling along the estuary in search of a lovely spot for a watercolour painting.

So with the visit of the Lawrenny team, Manorbier were expecting a pleasant and gentlemanly game of association football, played in accordance with the rules as originally drafted at Eton College. The game that played out, however, was not in the script.

Lawrenny arrived hungry for victory, snapping into challenges in the midfield, seemingly fuelled by the twin stimuli of mid-morning cappuccino and amoretti biscotti.

But Manorbier, so comfortable on their home turf, proved their credentials as leading men, and forced Lawrenny to play the role of supporting males.

First act: First goal - The sun is shining. Blackwell, on his 37th birthday, picks the ball up in midfield, slides pass to Ricky The Rage, Ricky drills ball into bottom corner.

Second goal - LA Galaxy Beckham-esque free-kick by Austyn John, is flicked over 'keeper by Blackwell's head.

Third goal - another Hollywood delivery from an Austyn John corner, Blackwell smashes ball into net with his ample forehead. 3-0. First act concludes.

Second act: Manorbier become complacent, believing in their own invincibility. Lawrenny gifted two goals by comedic defensive lapses reminiscent of Mr. Bean. Storm clouds rumble. Sky turns grey. Animals in nearby fields gather for shelter. Spectators' faces are etched with fear.

Third act: Ricky Rhys-Thomas drills a powerful shot into the goal. But as his strength on the pitch grows, so too does the anger.

Intoxicated by his own power, he cannot hold back the swelling rage as he seeks his hat-trick. His nemesis bundles him out of play. Ricky strikes a blow. They wrestle. They both see the referee's crimson red, and depart forlorn, fearful of the cold shower. Manorbier reach their nadir.

Fourth act: Manorbier regain their strength in the face of a Lawrenny fight-back which brings the visitors' third goal. Then Paddy, twinkle-toed with Fagin cunning, feeds Neil Lane. Lane, calmer than Cary Grant with a Martini, smashes the ball into the net.

Final act: Defensive solidity from McWeeney The Wall, Askew El Cigarillo, Crazy Legs Hamilton, The aged one Maytum, and Austyn 'glamour ball' John. Midfield intensity from Spic, Blackwell, Paddy. Dynamism up front from The Foreigner Lane. Whistle blows. We pan to the scoreboard which reads 5-3. Manorbier cheer, and take down the nets.