The most important event of Valentine's Day for the seniors was the heart-rending visit of lovely little 11-year-old Laura John from Manorbier.

As I briefly mentioned last week, our charity organiser Brian Morgan is always on the lookout for good causes, and he noticed a request for New Year's Day swim sponsorship for Laura. He immediately proposed that the seniors donate to this really deserving little girl and the motion was unanimously agreed. So it was that on Tuesday Laura's mum Dominique, dad Wayne and little brother Philip brought her down to the club to accept some help.

We learned that Laura has Spastic Quadriplegia and Cerebral Palsy coupled with Epilepsy, and if this was not a big enough cross for a child to bear, she recently suffered a stroke. All this just seems so terribly unfair and Laura obviously requires as much help as possible to cope with her condition. The specific assistance that we wished to help with is the purchase of a hydrotherapy hot tub, which will enable Laura to relax and strengthen her muscles.

The photograph shows Captain Jim contributing a cheque for £150 to the John family. I must say that everybody present was very deeply moved by this dear little girl's suffering; the experience certainly put our own little problems into context.

The golf results somehow seem less important, but 39 seniors turned up to compete in the eclectic and in very reasonable conditions, the scoring was good.

In third place with 37 points, winning a less than generous £4, was Brian Morgan.

Second, with a fine score of 39 points, was Richard Chapman, who was rewarded with a meagre £6, while managing to reduce his handicap from 13 to 12.

The deserving winner was Dudley Williams with a truly massive score of 42 points. Dudley reduced his handicap from 22 to 20, and made a lovely gesture by donating his £10 prize to Laura John. What a really nice chap you are Dudders.

There was a positive deluge of 2s - Allen Watts on the sixth, Stan Hudson on the difficult 12th and Russell Clarke, Paul Nixon, Tony Ranoe and Roger Schofield on the 17th. Well done all of you, now dash off and fritter your winnings away on flowers for your Valentines!

The winner of last week's charity raffle, with the bonus ball number six, was the chairman of the seniors supporters club, the generous Maurice Lewis. An equally generous Richard Davies is sponsoring next week's raffle, for which Brian Morgan is truly grateful.

And that is just about that! It only remains for me to explain this week's title. Mike Fox set off with his trolley in the company of buggy-born Captain Jim and Des Stone. Crossing from the first green to the second tee, his trolley suffered a catastrophic and terminal failure. The defunct trolley was left in Chris's yard and Mike's golf bag was jammed into the buggy - which made for a very interesting and complicated round. The photograph shows Mike humping his useless trolley back to the clubhouse. Fortunately, the camera was loaded with silent film!

Next week is a Chapman foursomes competition - the start sheet is on the board.

See you there!

M.F.

Chicken chagrin

Eventually the winter weather had to stop play for the Chicken Trotters, and Friday, February 10, was the day. A cold, rainy and thoroughly miserable morning meant that - for the first time this season - no chickens left the coop.

This lack of golf at least gives me the opportunity to look ahead to the end of the trotter season and to let you know what the programme looks like.

The omnipotent committee sees that Friday, March 9, is the perfect date for the end of season competition and luncheon. This date was chosen because the seniors have their first match against Glynhir on Thursday, March 15, and it is thought that most seniors would prefer not to play on two consecutive days.

The programme for March 9 will be the normal 15-hole Stableford - but there will be two competitions running concurrently. For the under 70s the prize will be the Danny Carew putter and for the over 70s, the Badham trophy.

Lunch, the raffle and the prize-giving will follow the competition, after which the Chicken Trotters will stand down until October, doubtless practising and honing their skills for seven months until they can compete in the 2012/2013 season.

There are just a few items of news to pass on. First a report on the progress of designing a suitable Chicken Trotter sweater, with crest and motto.

You will remember that the plan was for trotters to have a maroon fleece sweater bearing the club crest, underneath which would be the embroidered motto 'Ego Pullus' which, as I am sure you all know, is Latin for 'I Trot'.

Sadly, there has been an ongoing problem concerning our clash with the Welsh Irritable Bowel Syndrome Golf Society. They have a similar sweater with an interesting crest, beneath which is the embroidered motto 'I oportet ad cultus', which translates as 'I have got the trots' - negotiations continue!

Chief Trotter Mickey Johnston has asked me to pass on the early notice of a probable rise in entry fee. The current fee of 30p harks back to the original 1970s fee of two shillings and sixpence, which was half-a-crown - or - 30 pence. That would actually translate to 12.5p, but 30p was the amount decided upon when the pound sterling went metric.

Sadly, in common with many other financial organizations in the 21st century, 30p per entry hardly covers the Chief Chicken's annual bonus - so look out for a probable hefty increase to 50p next season.

Finally, it would appear that some of the worthy Friday winners have not been awarded the prestigious and much sought-after certificate, which should mark their victory. Please contact the Chief Trotter if your trophy cabinet is without your well-earned certificate.

I hope that the sun will shine on the first tee this week.

See you there!

M.F.

Rabbit takes to the gym

Well, what a weekend, so much to talk about and I might even get a bigger slot in the paper than the Chickens! I won't hold my breath though!

Now where do I start? Is it with Phil Carps and his secret visits to the gym, or is it with Robin B, who we all know wears his heart on his sleeve, but after a sliced shot from Chris Smith on the 16th, he now wears the markings of a Titleist Pro V on his chest!

Or the big question that arose and which people want answers to: Where does the captain live? Some say it's in Stepaside, some say it's in the back of a van, all we know is he's at the top of the table with three games to go.

Sunday saw the waterproofs out again and a wardrobe change on the third tee by the captain (not a pretty sight). Despite this, though, he figured in a closely fought game, with partner Mackie putting like a demon to take Paul and Mick to the 18th and eventually run out winners by just one hole, leaving them clear at the top of the table.

With Robin able to carry on with his round after being mortally wounded (well almost) on the 17th tee, as already explained, he and Steve only needed to play that hole to win 2 and 1 against bottom pair Pete and Mike.

Despite trying to beat the opposition into submission with wayward shots, Chris and partner Mark took their game against Tony and Richard to the 18th, losing by just one hole, which leaves an interesting top of the table clash next Sunday between the top two (didn't mention it this week Tony!).

Finally, the last match to report on was halved between Bill and Steve and Arnie Carpenter and Bob Flower. Maybe Arnie - sorry Phil - and his partner might have won, if Bob hadn't picked up his marker believing they had lost a hole, but with all those shots, it is easy to forget, I suppose!

Two great wins at the weekend in the Six Nations will see a showdown at Twickenham in a week's time when Wales will have to play on a Saturday for a change. All bodes well in the English camp.

Your Scribe

Results: Steve Watkins and Robin Bradbury bt Peter Turton and Mike Munro 2 up; Tony Morris and Richard Prout bt Mark Edwards and Chris Smith 1 up; Bill Davies and Steve Cole halved with Phil Carpenter and Bob Flower; Tim Davies and Mackie Harts bt Paul Davies and Mick Gillett 1 up.