There is no doubt the Tenby Observer has not looked for balance in it's choice of golf correspondents for the Rabbit and Divot sections. The Divot correspondent has a flowing style, but his one-eyed view of his golfing friends, so nauseatingly pro-Divot to the total exclusion of others, is unfortunate and unbalanced. It is not for nothing that his friends call him Cyclops. But we must not go into Greek mythology here. Just to say the Rabbit correspondent looks for diversions and sometimes forgets to report the golf, though his diversions can often bring a tear to the eye or a pounding in the chest. He is known for his honesty though. Last Sunday, the Rabbits played their annual New Year challenge against the Divots. This week I have been invited down from St. Andrews to oversee the intense rivalry of this match and report accordingly. I understand the Divots will sponsor their own report this week. The Rabbit correspondent has skulked off. The weather was blue sky, no wind, a little chill, but perfect. For those who spend a chunk of their winter in the high Alps skiing, they will understand the conditions. Currently in our British way of life we have this big drama over Mr. Charles Kennedy and his resignation. There is going to be a poll over his successor. We all wait feverishly. I mention politics because I have in mind Exit Polls. You all see the political agents and Gallups standing at the door to the voting booths asking impertinent questions and then phoning their count to some obscure office miles away. Then a BBC announcer states "the polling booths are now closed. It is 10 o'clock. The exit polls say the Conservatives lead by five per cent and will have a majority of 58 seats in the next Parliament." Forgive me if you are offended by this, but I have lived long in hope that Exit Polls would be proved wrong. You know how it is. And so it was last Sunday that the Exit Poll declared the Divots had won by a margin of 11 to four. The analysts and adjudicators then came to look into events and circumstances. Firstly, the event was to be played over 18 matches. The Divots had only managed to provide 15 teams. Three matches, therefore, were awarded to the Rabbits. The provisional score now stands at 11 to seven to the Divots. Then the Divots insisted the match should commence at 8.15. I ask you? In the middle of the night in January, and a shotgun start too? On his way to the 12th, a two-mile march, if not a league, the Rabbit star Jason Rolfe, battling through gorse and bunkers in the pitch black, fell into a badger's pit and sprained knee, ankle and hip. The Divots, unsportingly, made him play on and yet I have never seen anyone so badly injured. The result of Jason Rolfe's match was later reversed. Bad sporting behaviour by the Divots. The score now 10 to eight to the Divots. It so happened that as an act of policy the Divots misunderstood the handicap allowance for this match. Several simple Divots could not understand the rules posted on the notice board, and insisted on dividing the cumulative shot difference by four and not by just two. In speaking to some of the Divots after the match, I was very surprised they could actually divide by four, though as they explained you divide by two twice. The adjudicators ruled the Divot attitude was deliberate obfuscation and one match result was reversed. The game now stood at nine-all. Finally we have the sad case of Stephen Harries, the Rabbits captain. Too much port wine, too many cigars, too many oysters, too much Beluga caviar over the festive season. Alas, he was struck by gout and in a bath chair on the day. Stephen Harries, reportedly, is the spearhead of the Rabbits, and I accept the captain is the best player. Sadly, the best Rabbit was immobile. The adjudicators award one match to the captain in absentia. Final score: Rabbits 10, with the Divots close on nine. It was wonderful to be invited down from Scotland to adjudicate at this event. I think it was necessary, as the Exit Poll proved false. Thank you Tenby Golf Club for inviting me. Your course is superb. I enjoyed the Welsh sausages and mashed potato lunch. The mushy peas reminded me of starvation in my university days long ago. Well done the Rabbits on the re-count. Do not be disheartened you Divots. There is always another year. The trophy must be re-presented to the Rabbits in the interest of justice next Sunday, January 15, 2006.
A NEUTRAL CORRESPONDENT