Phase two of battle commenced on Sunday, November 18, in the annual Divots League.

Three of the players appeared to have come straight from the Giltar Hotel where a protracted committee meeting involving the vice-captain, a committee member and a past captain had just been adjourned due to their inability to remain vertical. Kenny Breaker struggled to pour his coffee into his cup prior to teeing off, and seemed very unlikely to have any putts conceded if holding his putter was to be like holding a freshly caught salmon.

First out were Matthew Evans and Chris Hughes on their first outing this year after last week's bye. They played David Douglas-Law and Steve Sharma, subbing for Barry Frayne. It made a pleasant change to hear the dulcet tones of Dr. Sharma on the course, drowned out only by the decibel level of Steve Evans as he slowly came around after his long evening discussing matters of state.

Chris and Matt got their season off to the best possible start with a good 2 and 1 win over Dave and Steve.

Out next, the pair that should have started first, and would have done so, but for the late arrival (at least in body) of Steve Evans.

Loz Phillips and Steve Evans were up against Kenny 'the shake' Breaker and Alan Yates. A very dodgy first two holes saw Loz and Steve two down after two when they arrived at the third tee - yes Steve, the dreaded third tee.

The result of Steve's drive on the third has been sworn to secrecy, but Loz had to be careful playing the second shot on Steve's drive, as nudging it off the tee peg would have counted as a shot since it was already in play.

The match was more like a game of crazy golf, with Kenny and Alan playing the better of some dreadful golf to win 2 and 1.

Nigel Ayers spent most of the week informing his son David that dad was going to show junior a thing or two on Sunday about how to play the game, and that the Christmas turkey was not the only thing that was soon to get stuffed. Young David just gave dad a knowing smile and waited for Sunday to arrive.

David Ayers and his partner Ian Jarvis took on Richard Morton and Nigel Ayers. The result was a resounding thrashing of dad, and Nigel warned us all later that if he heard 'six and four' one more time, extreme violence was imminent. David departed the club determined to dig out dad's old Beatles collection and play 'When I'm 64' all evening just to remind Nigel of the result.

Nick Rogers and Ken Goldsborough played Martin Durham and Gareth Rees. The result was a 2 and 1 win for Nick and Ken, leaving Martin and Gareth on the bottom of the table with zero points.

Allan Morton and Gavin Field-Thomas had an excellent 2 and 1 win over Adam Joseph and Graham Waring. This was an especially good win considering 'Elvis' won the league last year, and that Allan had been at the same all-night meeting as Kenny and Steve: Gavin must have played a blinder. I am not allowed to mention 'Tellytubbies' when referring to Allan and Gavin, so I won't.

Nicky Thomas and Neil Dickinson had an honourable half with Vince Shaw and Rob Hall.

L. P.