Getting married in church? Here’s all you need to know

Getting married in church? Here, Alan Chadwick, Vicar of Llanstadwell and Neyland and Area Dean of Roose, tells you all you need to know.

How long before couples plan to get married do they book their ceremony?

My advice would be to speak to the vicar as soon as they have settled on the church where they want to marry. Whilst you can get by with four weeks notice, it would be best to make sure all the legal things are sorted before you get too far into the planning.

What sort of marriage preparation do you offer?

We talk about the different options for the service and a little about how it’s the place of God’s love. I always alert a couple to the fact that they should plan for a lifetime together, not just plan a day. Use time and money to prepare yourselves for the next 50 years, not just the 15 hours of the wedding day. There are lots of good books to read and every now and again we will put on a marriage preparation course, which enables a couple talking about expectations and how to keep love alive. Well worth doing.

What does the signing of the register signify and who is involved?

This is a legal necessity, without which the marriage is not valid. It simply requires each of the couple, the priest and two witnesses to sign the entry in the marriage registers.

Are there any restrictions as to days and times when couples can get married?

At present, the marriage must be between 8 am and 6 pm, but there is talk of relaxing this restriction.

Is it possible to have a church blessing after being married abroad or by civil ceremony?

This is quite a popular option. It’s easy to arrange and provides a number of options. Couples might also ask for a service of blessing on a special anniversary some years after the wedding itself.

How soon before the wedding do you hold a rehearsal?

The day before works well as everyone tends to be around. It’s a really helpful way of sorting out who goes where and it gets some of the nerves out the way.

How much does it cost to get married in church?

It’s about £500 in total, but if that’s a problem, it’s worth speaking to the vicar, but flag it up early as an issue. The vicar will want to help.

What are popular hymns?

There is a great website, put together by the C of E, which gives lots of ideas: Google ‘Your church wedding.’ Choose hymns that people will sing, otherwise the vicar ends up with a solo: Guide Me O, Love Divine, All Things Bright and Beautiful etc.

How many hymns are sung?

Normally two, but I have taken weddings with none and others with five! It’s the couple’s wedding.

What are popular readings?

‘Your church wedding’ again has lots of suggestions. 1 Corinthians 13 is a favourite at weddings and very meaningful. Couples sometimes want non-Biblical readings and most clergy will work something out with the couple.

Do couples often ask a family member or friend to give a reading?

I would encourage the couple to involve friends and family as much as they want - just make sure the person reading is used to speaking in front of a crowd.

What is traditional music played when a bride arrives at the church?

Wagner’s bridal march - ‘Here comes the bride’ (my children taught me some very dodgy words to that!)

And what about when the newly-weds leave the church?

Mendelssohn’s Wedding March - great piece, but it’s the couple’s wedding.

Are couples allowed to decorate the church with flowers?

Yes, of course: flowers, ribbons... but check with the vicar whether you need to ask someone to take flowers away afterwards.

Do you allow photographs to be taken during the ceremony and for it to be recorded?

A camera fixed on a tripod can work OK, but the person making the video recording should be aware of any music or songs which are under copyright.

Are couples allowed to bring their own musicians, and if so who have you had taking part in ceremonies?

Again, it’s the couple’s wedding and most priests will accommodate the couple’s ideas as far as possible. Pianists, singers, flautists, harpists, string quartets - all lovely - and during the signing of the register there is a five-minute pause where an item personal to the couple fits really well. I was deafened for the first five minutes of one wedding when I had followed the bagpipes in procession into the church.

How long do ceremonies take?

About 40 minutes, but if you have photographs in the church, that can take 10-plus minutes.

What’s the most memorable wedding you have officiated at?

Other than my own? Some weddings are very moving - sometimes just because the couple are so obviously in love, but sometimes also because of what had gone before. I married my mother (so to speak), after my dad had died. The groom had been widowed as well. They knew the cost of love, what ‘for better or worse, in sickness and in health’ meant, and still wanted to make that commitment ‘til death us do part.’ It was very moving.

Have you ever officiated at a wedding where the best man has forgotten the wedding ring?

No. But I always have a spare!

Have you ever had any unusual requests?

The groom who arrived at the wedding on top of the crane he operated at work!

Have you ever officiated at a double wedding?

No, but I have combined a wedding and a christening a couple of times in special circumstances.

What’s the most popular time of the year to get married?

I guess March through to September, but around Christmas is quite fun - with churches decorated with trees, candles and lights.

Have you ever conducted more than one wedding in a day?

Yes. It’s quite common and easy to do.